just a pile of rubble...

tearing down my wall...

2007-02-04T09:47:00.000+08:00

Tearing Down My Wall...

This used to be a portion of my wall in my dorm, i call this part, the "feelings"... as of february 1, my so-called wall of emotions is nothing but a boulder with patches of scraped paint...

As most of them know, im a very secretive person... true, i have a hard time expressing myself... my sketches used to be my output. I draw when i feel sad, depressed or angry... I sketch when something bad happens... My Gallery reflects anger and fear. And lately, i've been feeling down... My friends would notice and ask why i look so depressed and i'd tell them i don't know why ("idiopathic", as we usually call it, which means "unknown cause"), but the truth is, there is a reason, i don't want to tell anyone because I can't even accept it to myself. It's just wrong.

Back to my wall... Lately, whenever i look at it, it's like im seeing myself full of anger and hatred, it makes me sad, all the bitterness and depression. it brings back bad memories, so I decided to remove all my sketches... It's weird, when i was removing it, i felt sad... it's like im erasing a part of me. I have always loved art since high school, and it became a big part of my life, but i felt like it lost all it's meaning...

The most painful part is, out of 13 friends (some of them being my closest) who went to my dorm after i remove my sketches, only 4 of them noticed...

I tore down a part of my personality and only 4 people noticed...

so tired... my head aches...

2007-01-28T13:51:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.

Grabe, this week, i had a hell of a headache! super migraine... why does college have to be so f****ed up, and give you multiple stupid projects?!

it just dont make sense!

And the worst part is, even if they know that you did EVERYTHING to impress them, they still think you don't deserve a good grade!

What is wrong with them?!

Oh well, so much for complaints...

Whatever!

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits

2006-12-30T13:14:00.000+08:00

As the problems are new, we must disenthrall ourselves from the past...
(leaving 2006)

Great event this year:

The very much awaited capping and pinning ceremony...
we all worked so hard for it.

Had Fun with:

Family,

Friends,

Old Friends,

New Friends,

More Friends...

Happenings:

booze, food trips and getaways...

Memorable concerts/movies/weather(whatever):

Milenyo, bamboo, One tree hill, Happy feet, and lotsa lotsa coffee... :)

Something New:

My hammie (hamster), gift from a friend.. and my new phone. bought it yesterday! (it matches my nails!) :P

all of these just makes no sense... haha! just wanted to greet everyone! :)

Get your own glitter and more at BlingyBlob.com

It's not a matter of can or cannot, it's a matter of will or will not, everything is a choice, choose wisely...

2006-09-03T13:44:00.000+08:00
It's not a matter of can or cannot, it's a matter of will or will not, everything is a choice, choose wisely...

A person always have a choice... right or wrong, good or bad, this or that?

For some of us, happiness is the most important thing in life... You must be happy with what you do, with who you are and who your with. But sometimes happiness depends on the people around you. These people live by their own rules... You cannot tell them what to do, what to feel or what not to feel... We have no control over them... Therefore, we have no control over our own happiness either... What if, for us to be happy, we could be hurting the people we love? Think again... Can you still be happy, knowing that you got what we want by hurting someone close to us? Can you live happy, knowing that you've stolen these happiness from someone very dear to you... Can you stay happy?

Now you have a choice... yours or theirs?

If you would sacrifice your own happiness for them, you're a hypocrite... but if you pursue your own happiness, then you're selfish...

Still, you have a choice... but it takes guts and courage to decide... You have to think things over and over... In every decision you make, there are consequences... consequences that you might be dealing with for the rest of your life... Are you ready for it? or would you rather live peacefully?

And the choices continue...

Think! One decision leads to another choice... and one mistake may affect your whole Life, and the Lives of those around you.

i'm sick...

2006-01-16T08:52:00.000+08:00
i'm Sick...

you know how some old people hates going to the doctor, i thought it was really pathetic, i mean, ano bang nakakatakot sa pagpunta sa doctor?! kala ko stupid ang reason nila na dahil daw ayaw nilang malaman na may sakit sila!

as a nursing student, we have to go through a lot of health test and vaccination, recently we've been obliged to have a PPD Test (Tuberculosis test), it's an intradermal injection... and ive gone through it twice na, the first was in our family doctor, positive daw ako, she gave me some antibiotics tapos six months medication... tapos pinaulit ko dito sa school hospital, kasi sabi ng classmates ko, kung positive ka, it doesn't mean that you have koch's disease, pwedeng na expose ka lang sa may TB! i'll be going back to the clinic today to know the results, and im really worried!

now i know exactly how they feel, nakakatakot nga, it's not because you're a coward or anything, but knowing that you have to live the rest of your life with limitations and you won't be able to do everything you want to do! just like i always say to my friends (as a joke), mas nakakatakot yung alam mo kung kelan ka mamamatay, kesa dun sa biglaan!

krismas...

2005-12-26T21:14:00.000+08:00
krismas...

kung nabasa niyo yung huling post ni migz, ang una niyang tanong, eh kung "dapat pa daw bang magsaya ng pasko?"... isang typical na tanong ng isang taong broke ngayong pasko! sakin, broke o hinde, sa palagay ko, wala naman dapat ipaghanda ng ganun kabongga! may pagkain man o wala, ang mahalaga'y sabay sabay kayo kumain ng pamilya mo! parang isang normal na araw pero required na magkasamasama kayo... kasi naman, minsan iisang bahay na nga lang inuuwian niyo, di pa kayo nagkikitakita!

haay... tradition nga naman... ang weird noh?! wala naman sa Bibliya o sa anu mang sinabi ni Jesus yung mga tradition na ginagawa natin pero patuloy pa rin tong pinahahalagahan ng mga tao... ang labo, yung tipong nacocontrol tayo ng mga paniniwalang hindi naman natin alam kung saan nanggaling at kung sino ang nagpauso... hindi naman sinabi ni Jesus na kailangang may 7 (7 nga ba?!) klase ng prutas sa la mesa pag pasko, wala naman sa bibliya na kailangang may ham at keso de bola pag noche buena! hindi ba sapat na yung magsimba kayong pamilya at yung konting mapagsasalusaluhan ninyo!

ako, eto, may pagkain, may regalo pero di kumpleto ang pamilya (la pa kasi si mama, bukas pa ang dating)! malungkot! pero, sabi nga ng papa ko, sanayan lang naman yan! kaya nga di ko maintindihan yung mga taong gusto pa ng garbong handaan ngayong pasko, eh kumpleto naman pamilya nila...

music of the eraserheads....

2005-12-23T13:51:00.000+08:00

The Music of the Eraserheads: a tribute...

Eraserheads-the band who started it all... ang Beatles ng Pilipinas! they made me believe in OPM, i actuallly thought Pinoy bands were senseless when i was younger but Ehaeds changed that! i remember, i was 8, and i've been singing "ligaya" non-stop, i loved the line "di mo man lang napapansin ang bagong t-shirt ko" from that song! it drived everyone in our house crazy, coz i was so out of tune! and as i grew up, my tita had all their albums (in cassette of course, di pa uso CD nun!), and i got familiar with all their songs! i was kind of disappointed when the band broke up and when Ely Buendia had his own band, even more when Eheads had a new vocalist! but my love for their music didn't fade, i have their Anthology CD and i just bought the Ultraelectromagnetic jam CD the other day! i was choosing between soapdish and that, was having a hard time choosing between them, but i've been visiting
Treze's blog lately, and she totally blabs about how great the Ultraelectromagnetic jam CD is, so thanks lainey!!! :)

so there, all that, just to say that the Ultraelectromagnetic Jam CD rocks!

see, i just love it!

**i've been sleeping with it since! kidding!

a post-worthy week...

2005-12-23T01:56:00.000+08:00
a post-worthy week...

I don’t know how to start... okay, so where to start the greatness? It was exam week; my post is a bit delayed! aheehee... so as i said, it was the last day of exams and for the past few days, I don’t get to hang with juno and renzy and the others (because we're not in the same section anymore), so since it was the last day, and all we have is health economics, the three of us decided to have lunch together, and update each other of how much blood was lost due to the heartbreaking and depressing major exams. Still, i had a great time! i miss them so much...

came night time, it was Blitz's (a school organization) "concert for a cure", and their main guest was sugarfree and moonstar88 and of course our very own kulasising berde -the band of our former section, they were great! Am sooo proud!... im not a big fan of moonstar but their songs were great and the new vocalist is really pretty! But sugarfree rocks! They really got the audiences' attention and everyone just jammed... plus, i know all their songs, so i enjoyed a lot!

Then, right after the concert, me and my former blockmates decided to go to tagaytay just to have coffee at starbucks! It was 12 in the morning and it was really foggy, and freezing... I was telling them not to order frappuccino, but i had one anyway! We got bored so we went out and chilled (literally) at the parking lot, then it began to rain so we have no choice, but to leave... went to 7-11, grab a bite, and decided where to go next... it was 3 a.m., and the fog was getting thicker so we decided to go back to dasmariñas...

on our way back, we passed by a club and decided to hang there til sunset, so we did... it was a typical bar, with a pool, a billiards table and a karaoke machine... some fooled around with the karaoke while some played the billiards... i had a bottle of beer and since I was really broke I forced some of my friends to share the payment for the billiards table! :)

it was almost 5 and the club was closing, we were in three cars by the way, mine, Patrick’s and ivy's... pat and ivy went ahead while I got left behind, and because of my freaking pride I tried to cope up with them, they were both using manual cars, while i, an automatic (lugi ako!!!)... I was panicky that time, with the usual asaran in the road and ipitan of cars, i had a bit of car trouble... i left the handbrake while driving the downward slope of silang... and when I reach dasma, the car was smoking and smelled like burned clutch! I am sooo dead!

misa de galyo started that same day, and it's been our(my highschool barkada) tradition to complete all 9 mornings... after mass, we would go in a hill near a cemetery here in san pedro and just watch the sunrise... it's got great view, you can see the laguna bay, and the wind's really cold! it's cool seeing a polluted city from up there, slowly being touch with the sun's light and seeing it really pretty and peaceful, but when you're in it, walking in it's littered streets, inhaling those smokes emitted by vehicles and seeing someone getting stab, you'll suddenly feel like shit!

i'll be blogging soon...

2005-12-21T23:20:00.000+08:00
i'll be blogging soon...

Haha! i'm back! after almost 3 months of shutting myself away from my blog... i finally had the time to fix it!

i don't like the template... i'm bored with dark colors na kasi, kaya i tried warm colors... it's just temporary while im thinking what to do with it...

i'm just adding a few add ons, and im waiting for some pictures from my friend who was supposed to send it now but i dont know, maybe she forgot or something! as soon as she send it, ill be posting regularly again...

i was working on my freaking haloscan for like 2 days now, i still can't decipher how to change that "comment" word! bummer!

oh well, i'll be blogging soon... :)

Please make them stop!

2005-09-11T06:58:00.000+08:00
Please make them stop!

We had this film viewing about abortion a while ago in my ethics class, they showed how the fetus develops in the womb of the mother... When the baby is being watched through the ultra sound, the baby keeps showing off, it jumps and smiles and yawn, and one of the babies even showed her tongue! it was really cute! it's really touching to see the mother cradle her child right after the baby comes out, and seeing the daddy carrying his son/daughter and talking as if they could understand each other.

On the other hand, they also showed us, how the babies we're getting sucked out of the womb, but it was mild, so i downloaded the silent scream documentation and watched it! First, they would puncture the embryo, then they're going to insert a sucking tube that would tear and suck the baby's body parts except the head! This was when i feel like crying, it really hits me painfully, seeing the baby struggle to remain in the womb, and push as hard as it could to stay away from the sucking device. Right before all the body parts are removed, the baby's mouth would open as if it was crying or screaming, then all the parts are gone. The head and fragments of the removed body parts are the only thing left floating in the uterus. Then the abortionist would insert a tong-like instrument and crush the head and pull it out! In the bucket where they dumped the dismembered baby, you will think that it's just blood, but if you look closer, you could actually see the baby's arms, feet even the crushed head!

As i watch the film, i was screaming to myself and to God, "please make them stop!". By "them", i mean my tears from falling and what the abortionist were doing! How can any Parent kill their own child? Why is it that i feel the pain of removing and killing the baby, me, who doesnt have any connection or whatsoever with the baby, while the mother, it's own mother can stand having her baby's head crushed?

After the film, my professor asked us to adopt an abortioned baby and pray for them everynight! I'm not religious but i think it's a good idea, now i have a reason for praying! haha! i had a baby boy, i named him Daniel Louise. it's pathetic, i know, but some how i still believe in God and souls of the departed, and i think that every living thing, even a 3 month old fetus deserves to be prayed for!

starwars gone naughty!

2005-09-09T07:37:00.000+08:00
Starwars Gone Hardcore!

as in hardcore?! nah... not really!

was watching starwars(pirated DVD siya)!
you know how irritating subtitles can get sometimes, coz they say stupid things! so i thought of removing the subtitles but i think the setting's all jammed up because when i played the movie, the sutitles was in arab! so, i changed it in english, i'd rather have english subtitles than arab! i thought that the copy was good, it's not blurry like the other copies... then, in the part where Anakin and Amidala were talking, right where Amidala was telling him that she was pregnant, the subtitles went "Lift up your skirt! Lift up your skirt! Higher, higher!" that was like sooo... weird!

nyways, thanks for the comments, guys! i really appreciated all the compliments! :)

i have BANGS!!!

2005-09-04T07:44:00.000+08:00
I Have BANGS!!!

Can it be more...uglier???

i was scanning my old magazines the other day... in one of the magazines (July 2004 issue), in the front page, there's this thing about hair... so i leaped on to that page, and i there was this quiz of what haircut suits your face and hair! i answered it and voila! it says that bangs would be a good idea! next thing i remember is seeing a pair of scissors in my hands and *snip*snip*, i have BANGS! What the F*ck have i done?! its dreadful! i look like a poodle! i have to iron my hair everyday just to make it look nice! it's not that short when its straight, but if i leave it like that and let it dry alone, it looks like sh*t! my hair is curly and i like my curls, i dont wanna have it straight, but i can't just iron my hair everyday, it'll ruin my hair! what to do? what to do?

hell of a week... and so is the next!

2005-08-20T20:33:00.000+08:00
hell of a week... and so is the next!

This week's been really busy. i planned this weekend for studying 4 chapters of anatomy!!! I can't blog as much as I want to, I don't even have enough time to sleep well. Midterm's coming, and my head feels like exploding!

I've been thinking about this the past few days, and I just told dad about it a while ago... I was thinking of continuing my studies in Japan, since that's where I really wanted to work and my mom's there naman. i just think it would be easier bacause if I'll be working there, i still have to study how to read, write and speak their language for two more years... I don't know what's gotten into me, i never thought of studying somewhere else, maybe i'm just worried with my studies lately. i even thought of inquiring in other schools, i'm just really scared cause im having a hard time with anatomy and there are a lot of rumors in school that they will be digesting the sections, and kicking out a lot of students before second semester.

I'll be talking to mom tomorrow, i don't know how to tell her. maybe I'll just let dad do the talking.

haayy... this is so stressful! I think people worry more about theirself and their future as they grow older. When I was in highschool, I was so worried with getting seperated from my friends, and how to keep the friendship going even if we go to different schools, but now, it doesn't bother me that much about leaving them. It's not that i don't care about them, i mean, they help me a lot and most of them make me happy, i guess I'm just MORE worried about my future than not being with them. Maybe its part of maturing...

Im in OZ.... And I Left My Glass Slippers!

2005-08-06T01:12:00.000+08:00
I'm in OZ... And I Left My Glass Slippers!

Cool Title huh?!

prelims are over and my grades are for shit! just a few more months and first sem would be over... i'm running out of time to straighten things up! i really don't want to shift and i also don't want to transfer school, but i don't think i can keep up with the hectic schedule and all the "puyat" we do! HELL!!! What were they thinking giving us, consti, Physics and anatomy in one sem?!

okay... about the title! It kinda speaks for itself, right?! i dont think so...

about a year and a half ago, i took the application exam here in La Salle and i had this clear vision of me wearing all white, working in a hospital, and all that... then just last year, i said to myself that nursing wasn't that bad, i mean a lot of people would say that its really hard, but i find it kinda boring because all we did was fool around and eat! now...all we do is study and write and take classes for atleast 9 hours a day!

it's killing me, really!!! if i could just have the same red, sparkly glass slippers like Dorothy's in Wizard of Oz, I'd definitely go back a few years and enjoy Life! but i have to snap out of it, i mean, come on, this isn't a fairy tale... this is Life! if i really want to be something in the future, i have to stay in Oz world and take my Good Fairy's advice and fight the wicked witch of the east (or is it the west?! whatever!)... so, i've been wondering, where would the yellow brick road lead me???... :)

Cant wait

2005-05-26T12:38:00.000+08:00
** Can't wait, can't wait, can"t wait!!! **

haha! after more than a month, naisipan ko rin magpost! i know you guys are furious, but i just dont have anything to post about talaga!! pero ngayon, there are a lot of shit going on kaya happy nanaman blog ko! :)

well, first of all, my mom's arriving from japan next next friday! cant wait!!! then, were going to bora this june... im not the beach loving kind of person but hallooo, its BORA-the second most beautiful islands in the philippines, next to amanpulo ofcourse!

i'll be enrolling in DLS-HSC (de la salle- health sciences campus) this june 7, it would be exciting to be in a different campus... it would be dull having half the hospital as you're educational building but its a whole new surrounding and environment and it would be really exciting... and i'll be seeing my blockmates again! yey!!!

cant wait till july 16, my harry potter and the half blood prince would be ready by that time! i havent posted about it, but i ordered one from powerbooks last march... i cant wait!!! i've been visiting mugglenet and veritaserum ever since for updates and a little sneak peek from the book! and they're releasing the fourth movie this november, i saw the trailer na and a lot of pictures from the set. since the fourth book is my favorite of all harry potter books, im really excited!... and lately, ive been drooling over Oliver and James Phelps (weasley twins). i just love them!

i heard that the Da Vinci Code will have a movie na rin, starring tom hanks as Robert Langdon... i heard a lot of positive reactions about the book so i decided to buy one for myself since i've been reading the whole Harry Potter set again for the third time since the start of summer vacation. well, it was great, the book has a great story and twist... galing nung pagkagawa ng book, and the way brown added and explaind the facts about the priory, mary magdalene, the holy grail and da vinci's paintings!

im currently surfing a phelps' fan site and i stumbled to a really funny picture of them. my sister and i cant stop laughing when we saw the half of the page! hehe...

classes starts on june 13, and ill be dorming alone na coz ciarra have less subjects kaya she dont have to dorm anymore... its scary living alone, but it would be relaxing!

we're (my family) planning to watch madagascar next week, its really cute... especially the penguins and the hippo... cutie!!

hay naku! ewan! basta, i cant wait! it's really weird how time acts, that when you're excited about something, it feels like time suddenly stops and a week feels like forever, but when you're having fun, time seems like to double its speed and before you know it, it's all over!

why do we often break what we love the most?

2005-04-22T16:06:00.000+08:00
why do we often break what we love the most?

familiar??? yeah, i got that from one of coehlo's books... it made me wonder, why do we often break the things we love the most? well, it took a while before i thought of this answers, maybe we abuse it, maybe we get tired of it, or maybe we take it for granted! but it doesn't makes sense... it's bugging me... you know the feeling when you really are interested at something that you're dying to know the answer and you can't sleep at night because you really really want to know what it is!!! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

then it hits me.... its simply the owner's attachment to it that breaks it! i mean, if you are really like or love something (or someone), you overuse it, you abuse it, and it ends up being broken... and if you're not attach to that thing or person, you probably wont even realize that you've lost it or broke it...

haaayyy... im still not sure with that one... a little help please! :) i'll edit this if something comes up! :)

remembering and hurting...

2005-04-07T15:57:00.000+08:00
remembering and hurting

i dont know what's gotten into me... i woke up really early this morning, around 5 i think,which is really weird... it was still dark. i got up, went to the bathroom, went back to bed... i tried to get back to sleep but i cant... something was bugging me. something i wanted to let out. i have to talk to someone! who am i suppose to call at 5 A.M.?! so, i got up, made myself a cup of coffee... i'm having this urge to check something (or someone) on friendster... but what's the use, he rejects my friend requests anyway... but after a few tears and denying to myself that i terribly needed to see him, i decided to go online and view his account... i just want to know if he's okay... and if he has a new girlfriend na... :)

he's name's Luigi, nyway... he was my second boyfriend, 4 or 5 years ago... he loved me so much, but i took him for granted, actually, i cheated on him, two-timed him... it makes me sick just thinking of what i did to him...

that was the stupidest thing i've done... but it took me years to realize it... i let go of the only person who seems to understand me. of all the relationships i've been through, he was the only one who treated me not only as a girlfriend, it was more than that, i just can't explain with words... then, i remembered the simple things he'd do just to talk to me, like one time, since we dont see each other coz he's from cavite pa, we just text each other the whole day, he volunteered to wash his mom's car instead of having it carwashed, kapalit, 300 cellcard! it sounds corny, but i find it really sweet...

i wanted to make it up with him. honestly, i want to get back with him, but i guess its too late... and i think he's mad at me... i just want to share this to whoever is reading this right now... i guess you wont really realize a person's worth until he (or she) is gone... please dont make the same mistake that i did... :(

love, sometimes, can get really selfish... we tend to indulge in something soo good, we don't care if someone gets hurt, of if someone wants a part of it... sometimes we dont even realize that we are losing everything we've got and everything that matters to us...

BSN 1-7

2005-04-06T22:23:00.000+08:00
Frosh

wow... finally, finishing the first suicidal year of college, 3 more years and i'll be graduating... be working abroad, having my own house and earning a lot (hopefully)!! hehe...

10 months of hardships, 24 subjects taken up, almost 50 new friends, a 100 thousand gastos and probably half a year of puyat, puyat, and more puyat!!!

a year ago, i was really really excited of graduating from high-school and stepping into college... i though that college was all about gimmicks, inuman, yosi yosi (i used to smoke... used to! i don't smoke anymore) and fun, fun, fun! but... i was so so wrong!!! college... haay... sounds exciting but its not... everyones so serious, attendance is a matter of life and death...hehe... kasi kahit may sakit ka, kailangan mo talagang pumasok! at first, sobrang nahirapan akong magadjust, with the people (especially my blockmates who are sooo matino...), the environment and the professors... pero after a few weeks things became a lot better especially when i met my current bestfriends (juno, madel and renzy)... we just laugh and tease each other most of the time, but we still are very serious with our studies ofcourse. there were a lot of projects and activities that were assigned to our section, these were the times when all our ideas and talents begun to show... this was when we start acting and thinking as group, as a section, as a family...

first...
this activitie made us (i think) kinda popular... i mean, our costumes were great... we all wear different, colorful, daring costumes... this was when we danced around school, actually we didn't really danced coz the mobile people was really really late, but we did dance and we all gave everything that we can give, we all had fun... this was for our filipino class anyway... we did the MARDIGRA... it was so cool, although i was disgusted first because we all are required to dance... but after a few late night practices, i was actually enjoying it... then came the day we've all been waiting for, the day we thought that would end our life... there we are in front of the gym, standing under the hot sun and we are all ready to dance and show everyone what we've been doing for the past few weeks... but... shit the mobile wasn't there... how can we dance without music?! already in front of the chapel, still no elisha (my classmate who's been talking to the mobile guy!)... then we were like a block away from the ground where we we'll be performing the other dance... there she is with the speakers in the jeep... yey!!! we all cheered... fritz, our group leader/choreographer was about to cry na... we were all relieved to see elisha with the mobile... then, they played our song, let's get retarded by black eyed peas... we all danced like hell... gave everything and had fun!!! then the final dance, it was held in front of one of the CLA buildings at lasalle... we were given 5 mins each group, since we combined with the other section, we have to split the time with them, so we just had 2 1/2 mins to perform... but when they were about o dance there was something wrong with the mobile. we didn't know that the it was counted or included in the time limit... so in the middle of the dance, the hosts asked to stop the dance already coz we were exceeding na daw sa time limit! some of my classmate cried coz it was so unfair... pero despite that stupid thing that happened we still won third place! woo-hoo! we were all very happy! we just jumped and hugged each other, then the rain started to fall... our clothes was at the gym so we have no choice but to walk in the rain... grabe! it was along walk from JFH grounds to PLS... we passed some classrooms and the student were all looking at us like "what the hell are they doing" kind of look! it was kinda emabrassing but it was worth it! hehe...

another hell-but-worth-it experience was the ballroom dance competition... well, it was not that hard coz we had the whole sem practicing the different routine taking each step t a time... kaya lang nung malapit na yung competition medyo napepressure na kami, kasi sabay sabay na lahat ng projects and requirements ng finals tapos we have to waste time practicing that stupid (but worth it) dance sa gym... then we paid this costume and started practicing using dancing shoes... dami pang hassle, kasi konti lang yung guys namin, kaya some pairs are both girls... then, yung costume namin na worth almost 1 thousand, umm... well, it didnt turned out like what we thought it was... shit, we we're starting to accept the fact that we really looked stupid with the dance pero yung costume, like, nightmare, worst nightmare! as in, fashion suicide!!! hehe... basta, the guy's were sparkling green long sleeves and supper silky, shiny genie pants! sa girls, they were wearing yellow halter dress with ruffles na parang dinikitan lang ng glue yung glitters!!! still, we had no choice but to go out there, do the routine and try not to fidget, since it was so hard not to be conscious with what we were wearing! so, there we were, in the middle of the gym, totally spread out, with abbie and andrew right in front of us, i was like shit, this is sooo humiliating... then, after the big dance, we sit near abbie, and watch the other groups perform and hoping the would make a fool of therselves, well, some did though... hehe... it was time to announce the winner, we werent really expecting anything kaya parang walang nakikinig, tapos after a few recognition awards we realize that we werent called to recieve any recognition plaques, so it means na we're in top three, then kami nalang yung di natatawag, we realized na yun na, panalo na kami, sabay sigaw ng MC ng BSN 1-7 we were all like, "Oh my God! we won" i think we spent the whole 30 minutes jumping and hugging each other... hehe...

then, another was the symposium, we have this final project for our sociology-anthropology class, we have to conduct a symposium with atleast three speakers, out topic was, filipino families ata! we shared the project with another nursing section, but we have different topics, so sila yung nauna, i think their's were like a big joke, they werent prepared enough for the symposium, and i hate their MC, i mean, she keeps on laughing... then the next week, it was our turn, since mataas pride namin at mayayabang kami, we showed how a real sympo was done! hehe... we had two great MC's wearing the appropriate attires, we even had, light effects kuno, then we had a bit of show just to keep the lecture interesting... it had so much fun, watching the other section's guys drool over my blockmates who danced... hehe... and the girls were i think feeling insecure...and, maybe insulted.

see, our block have been through a lot of shit already, we had bad times and good times together, we had a great christmas get together party, we helped each other with grades, we care for each other so much! i mean, were like family now, were not just simply a section, friendship was built, and we all learn to accept each other during the ten months that we've known each other...

sadly, there were rumors na irereshuffle na kami next semester, when william announced about it, we all got sad... :( we loved each other so much na... pero all of us promised na hindi kami papayag, sabay sabay kami mageenroll para kami pa rin ang classmates next sem... :( :( :(

celebrity blog hopping

2005-03-17T06:21:00.000+08:00
iv'e been scanning my old magazines yesterday... saw bianca gonzales, she was featured and she said one of her hobbies is BLOGGING... i haevn't noticed it before cos i wasn't interested with blog pa! tapos yun, i visited her blog kanina... wow! she has a nice blog, not so different from ours though, just that she looks good in pictures... hehe... then, i saw ala paredes' blog, her father jim paredes also have a blog, lucky manzano and some of the writer of ABS... they all have blogs!

i was really amazed... this people whom we adore, idolized and sometimes even worship are just plain people... just like most of us! they have ordinary lives when they aren't in shows... they have friends, they have problems... one of bianca gonzales' post was about black-out... they even experience such calamities (calamities nga ba?!) like ours... they're not so different from us... they actually have lives... hehe... kala ko they're all about hosting and acting and plastikan (that's how i used see showbiz)... pero they're not, they got good thoughts and doubt as ordinary people... i liked bianca's and ala's blog most, they really are smart!

third sex... crime???

2005-03-13T14:00:00.000+08:00
Third sex... crime???

i was on my way to school last friday, galing akong isabel (dorm)... medyo pagod na, sobrang init, badtrip... in front of one of the schools beside la salle, there were a lot of people... people with boards or cards... kala ko rally?! most of them were foreigners, they are talking something about God... dahil na rin siguro sa nalalapit na holy week. at first, i wasn't really interested on what they were doing... then, i read one of their boards, it was about third sex... parang wala daw karapatan and bakla at tomboy sa mundo...i was bothered... kasi i got gay friends... i think they deserve even just a bit of respect... sabi nga ng simbahan diba, lahat ng tao pantay pantay, pero sa nakita ko nun, parang todo discrimination yun!

ano ba talagang kinadidirihan ng mga tao sa mga bading at tomboy??? yung pagkakarelasyon ba nila sa kapareho nilang babae o lalake, o naiinggit lang sila dahil mas masaya ang mga bakla't tomboy sa mga mahal nila?

let's say that gay are not as descent as straight couples, pero ganun din naman ang love nila for each other eh! ang totoo nga, mas strong ang relationships ng karamihan ng mga bading kasi nature ng bakla yung tipong wala silang pakialam sa sasabihin ng ibang tao...

scandal...

2005-03-07T07:56:00.000+08:00
when i was in high-school, the hottest trends are cellphones- colored cellphones, cellphones with cameras... blah! blah! blah! as technology continously develop this so-called amazing, powerfull gadgets... pornography also has it's own way of ruining people's lives... SCANDAL, big thing for guys, best thing to see for perverts... why are people so interested in seeing naked people, humping one another or giving someone a blow-job?!? my god! it's just so F***ING disgusting! why do they have to film the shit that they do with they're partner, or if they really are that nasty for filming therselves, why do they have to show it to other people like their friends... or if they had sex with someone really popular, do they really have to tell (or worst, show) the whole world they just fucked that girl on TV! who gives a damn anyway!

okay... im calm! its just that... it's disgusting! last year, i saw the anne curtis-richard guitierrez kissing scene... then the naked karelle marquez (aww... pity her... she was drunk that time, kaya wala siyang alam, heart evanghelista's (havent seen in yet... pero meron daw!) lately, ethel booba's sex video! then, yesterday, while watching the news, another sex video... who? lucky manzano! yes, the bubbly Lucky Manzano! but... it wasn't really him! they tracked who the couple was, it turned out to be a famous basketball player and his girlfriend.. too bad, they were already out of the country when they find out that it was them... haayyy... people... what the hell is wrong with them???

maybe... one of the reasons why we (we?!?) drool over PORN is because the Filipinos are so narrow minded... let's admit, most of us are still living in the 19th century where making-out is a crime... i know! i know! it's been a tradition! our lolo and lola being virgin before marrying, women being mahinhin all the time (maria clara), conservative daw kasi ang mga pinoy... yah right!!! comm'on... it's not bad to be conservative but you just have to know your limits... if it includes you're own happiness... what the hell??? who cares about virginity, nowadays?!

do this, ask a guy if he wants his wife to be a virgin... i've asked this to a lot of guys... ganito ang madalas nilang sagot, "ayos kung virgin... pero okay lang kung hindi..."

sabi ng maraming lalake, nasa nature na daw talaga nila ang pagiging horny o malibog (pasensya na sa word)... oo nga, hindi ko kinokontra ang pagiging active ng hormones nila, pero kailangan pa ba talaga nila ng porno para mawala lang sakit ng puson nila? hahaha!!!

2005-03-03T13:45:00.000+08:00
oh my gosh... i just can't believe i'm still alive despite all these shitty things thats happening in school, i managed to survive! yehey! hehe... kidding...

well, its been shit today... got hectic schedules this week, even worst tommorow... wr're gonna present this stupid dance tommorow in school... whats bugging me is that it's ballroom... shit! ballroom dancing is for old people (no offense... hihi...) ano pa nga ba magagawa ko? finals exams yun eh!

kung shit na ngayon, paano pa kaya bukas??? super pagod na ko... ive been sleepless for nights... busy with all the f***king requirements the proffesors wont stop giving...

been busy for days, pero enjoy... ngayon lang ako nakakaranas na feeling ko, and smart smart ko! hehe... ive never been this active with school works when i was in high school... during high school, i do my homework in school, i do kodigo a lot (as in), i dont read my textbooks... i realize lately, what the hell did i do during high school? i didn't even accomplish any requirement, nakukuha ko lang ang signature ng teacher sa pagpapacute, pambobola at pagmamakaawa...

oh shit... i'm late...

monolgue

2005-02-17T13:47:00.000+08:00
i'm really really wasted na! it's almost ten and i'm still here sa net shop. badtrip talaga! daming projects... okay, i have this individual dula dulaan in my filipino class... like, shit man, i can write, but act?! i don't think so! i might just make a fool of myself in front of all my classmates! darn... ive been thinking of a story for a week now,this is how it turned out:

R-18

KRIS- isang pariwara/rebeldeng teenager.
BERT- isang mayaman na druglord. ama ni kris.

Narrator: gusto nyong malaman kung anong nagyari sakin… gusto nyong malaman kung ano ginagawa ko dito…
Kris: (pumasok ng bahay,lasing, nadapa, tumatawa)
Bert: ehem…
Kris: oi! Bert! dyan ka pala! Kelan ka pa dumating?
Bert: alas 3 na! san ka ba galling? Lasing ka ba?
Kris: dyan lang sa tabi tabi… di ako lasing! Ikaw naman… sige ha, goodnight!
Bert: teka lang! mag usap nga tayo!
Kris: ano ba yun?! Bukas na! antok na antok na ko eh!
Bert: (nilabas ang paraphernalia ng drugs) ano to?!
Kris: (nawala ang pagkalasing) ewan ko, di sakin yan!
Bert: ‘wag ka nang magsinungaling, galing sa kuwarto mo toh!
Kris: at sino naman ang nagbigay sa inyo ngpahintulot na pumasok sa kwarto ko?!
Bert: anak kita at pamamahay ko toh. Puwede akong pumasok sa kwarto mo kung kelan ko gusto. Kausapin mo nga ako, nagddrugs ka ba?!
Kris: (parang walang narinig) matutulog na ko, bukas na natin paagusapan yan!
Bert: wag mo kong tatalikuran pag kinakausap kita!
Kris: oo!!! Addict ako! Gusto nyong malaman ang totoo, addict ako! At ano naman ang pakialam nyo, wala naman mas importanteng bagay sa inyo kundi negosyo diba?! Dise-otso na ko, ngayon nyo pa ba ako pipigilan kung kailan alam ko na ang mga ginagawa ko?! Wala kayong pakialam!
Bert: may pakialam ako at may karapatan akong makialam dahil anak kita!
Kris: wag na wag ninyong sasabihing anak niyo ako dahil kahit kailan di kayo naging ama… wala kayong kwentang tao! Kayo sumira sa buhay ko! Kala nyo ba di ko alam… matagal ko nang alam ang tungkol sa negosyo nyo! Wag niyo nang ipagkaila…
Bert: paano mo nalaman?
Kris:s**t,bert,bata palang ako,nakikita ko na kayong gumagamit nyan… haha..di ba kayo naniniwala sa kasabihang,’kung ano ang puno siya rin ang bunga?!’ pwes, heto na ang katibayan! malas kayo sa buhay ko! kung hindi dahil sa lintik na drogang yan,sana buhay pa si mommy…
Bert: wag mong isisi sakinang pagkamatay ng mommy mo… aksidente yun, alam mo yun.
Kris: yun ang sabi ng mga pulis,dahil binayaran mo sila! Binayaran mo yungmga buwayang yun para palabasin na aksidente ang lahat… pero alam ko ang totoo, andun ako! Oo! Andun ako! Nakita ko ang lahat ng mga pangyayari, nakita ko kung paano nyo pinatay sa bugbog ang mommy ko…
Bert: anak,pagusapan natin to!
Kris: pagod ako,matutulog na ko! (naglakad papuntang kuwarto,ngunit napigilan)kung may gusto pa kayong malaman,tanungin nyo nalang sa kasosyo nyo! Sa kanya ako kumukuha!
Narrator: yun ang nangyari,dahil sa bawal na gamot, andito ako ngayon, nakakulong sa puting kwartong to… walang katiyakan… dahil lamang sa pagkakamali ng isang ama.

***com'on,people!i need feedbacks...pls.pls.pls.this is like the end of my carreer.i feel like dying already...

2005-02-17T05:16:00.000+08:00
ay! i forgot! may bago akong music... inspired by wicker park! very cool movie! juno cried! hehe...

*** this is a must watch ***

deabate for God

2005-02-17T05:07:00.000+08:00
Debate for God

we had this philosophy class yesterday... with a different Professor! yehey! wala si baliw na anonuevo! ewan ko ha, pero feeling ko may tama talaga yung si sir anonuevo eh! basta, yun na yun! yung sub na prof namin, asteegg! i like her, compared to sir anonuevo, magaling siya!

topic namin yung "theories of God"... nagpagawa siya ng seatwork.. question: do you believe in god? sagot ko, ofcourse, yun ang sabi ni mama felly eh! sure! but then, paano ako maniniwala kung wala namang proof??? paano ba nila nasabi na nagexist talaga si Jesus? dahil sabi ng mga lolo't lola nila? dahil sabi ng mga kastila? dahil sabi ng bibliya? sino naman kaya ang gumawa ng bibliya? ang mga apostoles? sino ba ang mga apostoles? tao ba sila? ano intension nila? paano naman nasisiguro ng mga kastila na ang mga apostoles ay nabuhay nga noong mga panahon na yun???

see... paano ako maniniwala kung marami akong mga tanong na hindi pa nasasagot ng simbahan? paano ako nakakasiguro na hindi lang pakana ng simbahan ang relihiyon? may ebidensya ba sila? wala naman diba?!

sabi nga ni Juno, tayo na ang mismong ebidensya ng Diyos? ang pagbigay nya buhay sa atin! oo nga! saan nga naman tayo nanggaling? sa oven toaster??? siyempre hindi... pero sa tingin nyo, nabuhay talaga sila eba't adan? meron ba silang fossils na nagpapatunay na nabuhay sila noong unang panahon pa?!

at kung totoo nga ang Diyos dahil sa maraming naniniwala sa kanya, paano naman tayo nakakasiguro na hindi ito epekto ng "colonial mentality" ng mga tao na dala ng pananakop ng mga kasitla???

relihiyon... inintroduce sa atin ng mga kastila! balikan natin ang nakaraan... bago pa tayo sakupin ng mga kastila, may relihiyon ba tayo?! wala diba?! pero hindi tayo, nagsusuffer noon tulad ng kahirapan na dinaranas natin ngayon... mas maayos pa nga ang buhay ng mga pilipino noon eh, nung sinasamba pa ng mga ninuno natin ang mga puno't hayop, naging maayos at mapayapa ang pilipinas noon... at sabi ng marami, "if there is no suffering ther would be no compassion"... pero isipin natin what's more important? compassion or life?

well, muntik na kaming magaway away dahil sa topic na yan! i dunno... siguro, hindi lang ganun katindi yung faith ko tulad nila!

isa lang ang narealize ko sa sinulat ko ngayon,

HINDI TAYO NANGGALING SA TOASTER!!!

happy hearts!!!

2005-02-15T15:54:00.000+08:00
happy hearts, people!!! :) so, ive been to tagaytay with my friends... we were there coz we have to do our project in history na nauwi rin sa landian!:) haayyy... projects, activities, assignments. tinatadtad kami ng mga professors namin! grabe! super hassle!... anyways, ayun, we went there for our project which is the history of tagaytay! we first went to the city hall of tagaytay! the so-called bayan! pag datin namin dun, my first reaction was "wow", ano to?! parang desserted area! parang yung mga towns sa horror films! sabi nung manong dun sa city hall, fiesta daw ng tagaytay kaya walang masyadong tao! diba dapat happy sila kasi fiesta!!! weird! ayun, tapos punta kaming people's park (palace in the sky), inakyat namin yung matarik na bundok na yun! may nakita kaming kitty na nagrorock climbing, fish na nakatira sa lumot, at building na parang pang props sa "scariest places on earth"... hehe... grabe yung mga buildings dun, luma na sa lahat ng luma! yung mga walls, tinutubuan na ng fern... ang creepy talaga! tapos, punta kami sa rooftop, ang taray, parang si rose at jack ng titanic! hehe... tapos nagwish kami sa wishing well, at nagpadausdos pababa ng bundok! ayun, after nun... kahit sobrang sakit na ng paa namin (or baka ako lang), tumuloy pa rin kami sa picnic grove na napakawalang kuwenta, dinaanan namin yung mga love na love ni madel na kabayo! tapos yung mga punong may christmas light na trip na trip naman ni juno, at yung mga souvenir shops naman na walang kasawasawa tignan ni renzy kahit parepareho lang yung paninda nila! at ako... syempre pagkain, may shawarma, burgers at fries! pero di na ko bumili kasi wala na kong money! ayun, late na nun, malamig na at tumatawag na ang mama ni madel, kailangan nang umuwi... pero di pa dun natapos ang kasiyahan namin, andyan pa ang biyahe, nagjeep nalang kami kasi wala nang bus na dumadaan eh, nakasakay namin si lolo't lola na naglalambingan(a sus, parang lovapalooza ha!), high school barkada na walang kasing ingay, at yung alalay ng driver ng jeep na nakikipagflirt sa mga high school students! saya! kahit medyo baduy yung pinagagawa namin, ENJOY! para kaming mga high school. sarap bumalik ng high school! i think we deserve some break from all those school work! pero syempre, tulad nga ng sabi ni madel, "bukas, filipino time nanaman!"

Happy Hearts, everyone!!!

dorm

2005-02-10T09:36:00.000+08:00
i was so pissed last night with ciarra! she let her boyfriend sleep in the dorm again! my gawd! i'm soo fed up already! why?! i can't sleep! i got this sleeping problem... i can't sleep in a room with someone i don't really know that well! i hava a hard time sleeping, it takes a long time for me to adjust! i was really pissed... feeling ko nga nababastos ko na sila sa pagsusungit ko eh! pero, lintik naman kasi eh, para syang walang bahay! palibhasa drop-out sya ng school! i'm planning to move to another dorm na! i want it there pa rin, sa building na yun, kahit small lang sya, okay na yun! kaya lang, di ko pa nakakausap si ciarra! lagi kasing nakabuntot yung boyfriend nya, bakit di nalang kaya sila magkadenahang dalawa?! para di na sila nagkakahiwalay... yun naman gusto nila! di ko sinasabi na hiwalayan nya yung boyfriend nya, pero sana naman lumugar sila! gawain ba ng matinong babae yung halos tumira na sila sa isang bahay ng boyfriend nya?! sana naisip nya na pwede akong madamay sa mga kalokohan nila diba?! ako nasisira sa mommy nya dahil pinagtatatkpan ko sya minsan eh, pag nalaman naman to ng papa ko?! ako rin ang patay! ano ba gagawin ko dun?! iniisip ko nang magmove ng dorm, try kong humanap bukas! kailangan kong umiwas as soon as possible! this is so hard! oa na kung oa, pero di na tama yung ginagawa nila! tapos pati si ciarra nasisira yung pagaaral dahil sa boyfriend nya... badtrip talaga!

2005-02-08T14:19:00.000+08:00
woah!!!!

i've been doing this freakin' layout for like 3 days already... whew! my eyes feels like popping out... oh, what the hell...

i'm now at e-koo... i went out wearing pj's! hehe... i can't help it, i'm used to it already and besides, it's dark outside, they won't be able to recognize my face! hehehe...

oohh... i've just finished reading the book i borrowed from jot, "paboritong libro ni hudas" by bob ong! it wasn't that nice but it was really funny... i'm planning to buy his other book, "bakit baliktad magbasa ang mga pilipino"... i heard it's better than the black book! i'm such a book worm... one day, i'm gonna have a wall full of books! that's one of my dreams... hehehe... pathetic me!

... i almost forgot,there was this bitch who tagged at abbie's tagboard, she said "what would you do if you found out that your boyfriend is cheating on you?"--- my gawd! why are some people such a life destroyer?! why don't they just mind they're own bussiness and deal with their senseless life, instead of bugging other people! i pity those freaks... they're lives are so boring that they had so much fun pissing off other people... haayy... just forget it, i know i can't do anything with those peepz... they're hopeless!!! grrrr...

hafta go! it's so so late... and... my blog's so so violet! :) :) :)

hisory of the Philippines

2005-02-02T04:37:00.000+08:00
history of the phillipines

i just had my midterm exam in history a while ago... i actually find it a bit easier than last time, maybe because i read the chapters this time or maybe i'm finally appreciating the subject! i had really low grades in my history class last term, i think my professor just gave me a passing grade out of pity cause i'm a nursing student and we can't fail any subject or else we'll be drop-out of the course... so, i've been reading that book in history since saturday and i was supposed to read all three chapters of it, since i love reading, i finished reading it for like a whole day without even noticing that i've read it all! i realized that it's not that bad. honestly, i find it as intereseting as harry potter, i just didn't realize it at first because i thought that it was all about dates and events! i thought i won't be able to answer the enumarating part cause im not that good in memorizing but as i read the test paper all the stuffs that i read came back! like, wow! ang cool! hehe... hmm...maybe that's how my brain work! duh?! well, have to review for my next exam-chemistry! a total career suicide!!!

just an advice

2005-01-24T06:26:00.000+08:00
just an advice

i've just read madel and jot's blog! And as usual it's about love... haay..
aren't they getting tired of that topic?!I mean, since I was in high school, it was always about love! Okay, I did got obsessed with that thing too, but I realized lately that, there are actually more important things other than having a boyfriend or girlfriend! I know how it feels, having a boyfriend-being loved, they make you feel special , blah blah blah!!! but don't you guys think you're overreacting when you cry and get depressed just because they won’t love you back?! its sad being alone, I know! But there are a lot of people around who cares for you more than you think and these people won’t leave you just because of a stupid thing you fought about! I mean, we people give such importance to love life that we can't see how wonderful and fun life is! Even if we don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, there are still friends and family, And simple things that can be considered as love… like, nature, the stars, the wind… You can find love everywhere! Even playing catch with you’re dog is considered as love, people! Love is not just romance or sex or whatever the youth thinks it is! It is something that you give or do, not because you are obliged to, but because it is what you wanted to, and it makes you happy!!!

So, jot, madel and juno! I always say this, but this time you guys really have to understand…Don’t hurry love, we’re still young, im sure God has a plan for all of us! Don’t go looking for love, just wait! Cause you might find someone not deserving for the love that your willing to give!

Oh, and for jot’s latest post! Beauty, shouldn’t be done for the satisfaction of other People, but for your own happiness! If you think seeing yourself with silicon in your chest will make you happy-then go on! But if you changed everything that even your own parents can't recognize you, just because you’re boyfriend wants you to, or it’s a requirement in your job! Man, I dunno! I think you have to learn to love yourself first before others can love you back!!!

love for ciarra

2005-01-19T15:25:00.000+08:00
Love for Ciarra

ciarra has been my friend since 1st year high school. we've been together for almost five years... we've grown up together and spent a lot of time together. i've been with her when she had her first boyfriend, her first heartbreake, a lot of embarrassing moment... and a lot of tears.

there are a lot of guys who came and gone in her life... some are serious relationships... and most are not! she had her first boyfriend when we were in our first year of high school, which is not really serious... they met through text! he's a friend of her cousin, from bataan. it didn't lasts, but it was fine with her. she didn't shed a tear! then after a few more unserious relationships! She fell inlove with one of our barkada, but it didin't worked out. so there she goes again, fooling around... then came vincent, whom we met during one of our inuman nights, a freind of one of our barkada. they became couples after a few days, but still not so serious. she broke up with him after a few weeks! then, another batch of unserious relationships. then B.A. was on the picture, she met him while strolling, you know, flirt around a subdivision, meet a few people. i only saw him a couple of times, but i think he's the only guy she loved that much. the problem is, he has a family, it was ciarra's first major heartbreake... i mean, even if she doesn't show it, i know that she's hurting... i guess true friends feel each other's pain. so she has no choice but to move on, and leave him in the past! then, a guy courted her, but i think she wasn't ready to commit yet. then after a year i think, she met this guy, name's jay-jay, they didn't last. the guy's a jerk, he even tried flirting with me... what an asshole, right?! then JC, im not sure if they were serious but they didn't lasts also. then before college, she met steven. he's very responsible, very caring and a often said "wala ka nang hahanapin pang iba!"... the bad thing, he's too kind! too much of something makes you sick... and being too kind is just...plain...boring! so, she got bored with him, but before meeting steven she already had this phone fling-marlon. they were friends for a few months already but they haven't met yet... so, she got bored with steven and started seeing marlon. the thing now, she's hitting on two guys at the same time! she started to got annoyed with steven and tried to breakup with him... she tried breaking up with him a couple of times and after a major fight, they broke up! finally, she's happy with marlon... but not for long! last night was the last night of they're realationship, during this christmas break, a girl talked to ciarra and told her she's pregnant... with marlon! marlon was in hong kong that time. she started to avoid him ,but i think they really loved each other to let go! then just two weeks ago, she met dan, he was introduced to her by an old friend. there she goes again, flirting and fooling around!

last night was like a major disaster, it was marlon and ciarra's 1st year anniversary... she was expecting dan to show up, but it was marlon instead... so she has no choice, she broked up with him... the sad part is, they still loved each other so much, he even loves her more than the girl he got pregnant with.

one's mistake can lead to a big time disaster... in this case, they sacrificed therselves, just because one of them we're tempted... temptation- a small damage, but it made a big explosion to ciarra's life!

i hate goodbyes

2005-01-17T17:33:00.000+08:00
mum just left today, my mum's been working in japan since i was half year old, she goes home every christmas and during summer vacation. you might all think that i'm used to it, sure, im used to ba alone, i mean i grew up alone, learned a lot by myself, that's what makes me strong and independent. but i spent almost half my childhood envying my classmates and pitying myself, but i pity my mom more. it's hard to grow up without a mom, but i still have my dad, and my grandparents who took care of me since birth. but i can't imagine how my mom deals with it, working there, alone, i mean, she lives a lone, her sister's there but she also have her own family. all my mom does is work. and now even after 17 years of working abroad, she still cries everytime she leave. i guess its harder to leave than to be left...

i dont want to see mom crying, that's why everytime she leaves for japan, instead of going with them to the airport, i just stay hoem or go to school, cause i can't stand seeing her cry, i feel like crying also ( and i hate crying in pulblic!) and i really really hate it seeing people leave, i hate people saying goodbyes to each other. i dont know why but i feel hurt...

two hundred pesos

2005-01-13T15:49:00.000+08:00
i haven't posted anyhting for quite a time... sorry for that! i spent so much time editing my blog, i even forgot posting about this! so... this is what happened, last saturday, my parents told me to drive to school instead of commuting, coz its too early. i got up early so i wont be late for my first subject... i only slept for like four hours, and it's kinda hard for me because im not used to it, but i have no choice, it's chemistry, and i just can't skip chemistry class! so i went on, even if im not in the best condition for driving... i wasn't really that far wen it happened, i hit a jeep, and damn was i scared!!! i didn't know what to do! my first car problem, and no one there to help me! i just freaked out! good thing the jeep driver was kind. he just asked me to pay him two hundred pesos and left! but it didn't end there, i thought there wasnt any damaged in our car, but when i arrived at dasma, i checked the front... i knew it! my dad's gonna kill me! i just called them up to tell them the news. i find it easier to tellt hem through fone. i spent the day worrying about the car and it gave me a headache!

quizzie...

2005-01-06T21:28:00.000+08:00

Your Boobies' Names Are: Siegfried and Roy

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Your Porn Star Name is: Karen Kung-fu Grip

Get your own Porn Star Name

Your Girl Parts Are Named: Fluffy

Get your own Sex Name

christmas...

2004-12-26T11:36:00.000+08:00
christmas na ba??? di ko feel... parang wala lang, ordinary day, wla nga kmi ginawa last nyt eh! unlike other families na may parties, exchange gift, blah blah blah!!! ako, la lang natulog ng maaga! hehe...

hmm... tpos na simbang gabi, di na rin kami magkikitakita... sad...

la na ko feelings for him... im finally over him.. woo-hoo! thanks sa simbang gabi!!!

drive

2004-12-21T01:52:00.000+08:00
woo-hoo!!! nagsimbang gabi ako kanina, at... dala ko yung revo! first time kong magdrive mag isa! woo-hoo!!! astig ako!!! hehehe... grabe!!! sinundo ko sa kat bago pumunta ng church... grabe talaga! enjoy!

the BOMB!!!

2004-12-19T17:46:00.000+08:00
haaayyyy.... kararating ko lang ng house, galing ng dorm... well, that party i was talking about the last time i posted, it was the BOMB!!!... for a while... haaayyyy.... i had a great time, u know, swimming, and chatting with my blockmates... then... a bit later, my head felt like shit!!! i knew it!!! it's leading to one of those horrible migraine!!! darn! kala ko pa nman, makakapaginom ako 'to the max'! eh wala pa nga akong naiinom, suka na ko ng suka! kahiya nga kay madel eh! as in pabalik balik ako ng CR! kya wala akong choice kundi umuwi sa dorm! puta talaga! i puked at my shirt, i smelled like a fuckin' sick baby!

puta ang dami kong namiss nun!!!

bloggy

2004-12-16T09:52:00.000+08:00
okay... we're in an internet shop near school, i am suppossed to do my project! madel's happy! blah! blah! blah!
i just saw marvin's pic, this guy who wants to add me in his friendster account! nevermind! damn this project! i'm having so much fun bloghopping, but i have to stop, because i have to do this freagin' project! grrrr!!!!

hehehe... my blockmates just left, they we're intrigued with our blog... i'm kinda inviting them to make a blog too... we can all be one big happy blogger family!

2004-12-15T18:48:00.000+08:00
i'm fuckin' bored! no exams today! ciarra went home na! i'm all alone! *sob*sob*... hehe... nothing to do... spent the day in this freagin' internet shop, bloghopped! i should be studying for my exams tomorrow, but i just can't focus on them, i can't understand anything that i read! it's really pissing me off!

... oh! we have this party this coming sturday, were gonna go swimming!!! overnyt, baby! woohoo! i can't wait... we'll just drink the night away! hehe... me and tonyo we're planning to get really really drunk! but i don't think that's gonna happen, i'm still broke and most of my classmates are non-drinkers! oh, well.... my nails are getting blue, its really cold here!

... i miss san pedro!!!

. . . . .

2004-12-15T08:23:00.000+08:00
we're at ERS! in kinda bored! there's nothing to do with these freakin' computer... haayyy...

i wanna change my blog skin, i want to create my own skin! the problem is, i dont know how!

... anyways, today was fine! nothing new! i think i failed my philosophy exam! i didn't study! i just played "tong-it" with ciarra!
hehe... tong it with the candles!!! that was fun! I miss those tong-it days when i was in high school... almost everyone's playing cards, including me of course!

i'm hungry!!! i wanna eat! i'm craving for... hmmm... a lot! it's because of my period! shit! it's kinda irritating! i hate having these, its worst than my migraine!!! darn!

oh my god! i have to have my clothes laundry, i dont have anything to wear anymore! i'm doomed!!!............................................... and i'm still broke!

drama, drama, drama....

2004-12-14T10:59:00.000+08:00
whew! just finished my chemistry exam! it was reaaalllllyyyyy haaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrddddddddd!!!! okay, im exagerrating! hehe... it's not that hard, but it gave me a headache! just glad it's over! hmmm... i can't wait till break, i miss nanah, haven't seen her for like, 3 weeks i think?! and i miss kath.... and my annoying brother(he's the best!) i just love fighting with him! hehe... and it's almost christmas!!! yeeeyyyy!!!! la lang! what's with christmas anyway?! i never liked christmas! i dunno! it kinda bore me! oh hey, mom's arriving on the 28th, think i better update my list!!! yeah!!! i want a new pair of lellow chucks, harry potter book 6... what else?! hmmm... i know, a laptop! i was forcing my dad to buy me a laptop for a year now! well, i think it's too much! can't afford ata! pero, kahit reward lang yun noh! i had good grades last sem! lam ko na, yung car ko kaya?! wish ko lang, mabili nila ko car bago magstart ang class next year... woohoo!!! no more F***in' jeeps! i really hate commuting! especially here in cavite, ang mga walanghiyang mga driver, sige, preno kung preno, kami naman, subsob na kung subsob! i'm a good driver naman eh, i wont die! hahaha! i'm kidding!

--------------> im still broke! anyone who wants to help... plsss...

aaarrrggghhh!!!!!!!!!!

2004-12-12T13:47:00.000+08:00
haayyy... finally, it's the end of the week! grabe! hassle tong week na toh! lot's of quizes, assignments and quizzes... i've been almost sleepless for days! whew! i just want to sleep for two days! my gawd! now, i just have to rest,... sadly, i can't, it's exam week next week, there are still project to pass, and i have to review... i guess this is nursing! I, i mean we really have to suffer... haayy.... have to get back to work! thank god, i don't have class tomorrow. relief! but not for long!

p.s. I'M f****n' broke! darn!

long time....

2004-12-09T18:36:00.000+08:00
haha! i'm back! well, 1st sem's over... just thought i wouldn't be bale to make it! i really thought i was gonne die! hehe... exaggerated noh?! it isnt that hard, learned a lot from living alone and meeting a different people... haayyy... it's exhausting but it's kinda fun, having the freedom to the whatever you wanna do! but still you have to learn to discipline yourself ofcourse... and now, im already starting to feel home with my new school, at first i didin't i belonged to this place, the people are sooo... i dunno... they're just way too different from my old school. although, my social life isnt that active, im kinda getting to know a lot of people...

actually, im starting to like college.... no.... im starting to loooove college! hehe...
peace out!!!

2004-10-07T13:38:00.000+08:00
haaay.......... finals na! badtrip!!!! daming projects!!!

hayy...

2004-10-05T11:07:00.000+08:00
is it really that hard to forgive someone??? why can't we just forget the past and move on, and if we cant do that, then we should atleast give that person a chance to make it up with you! damn!!

i just added someone in my friendster account, someone from the past, someone who used to be my world... it took a lot of courage to add that guy! knowing that he really hates me... and as usual he rejected it! it bothers me a lot! its judt hard to explain why i've done that... choosing that asshole instead of him, and taking him for granted... i want to apologize... but how can i do that if he wont even give me a chance to talk to him... darn it! he's so broad-minded!!!

ang condom...

2004-10-02T16:51:00.000+08:00
nagtrip kami ni madel sa sm dasma! bumili kami ng frenzy, mint flavored! yummy! hehe... nung binabayaran niya na yung condom! my gawd! ang cashier at yung bagger guy... hmm... grabe makatingin! kala mo nakatingin sa isang pulubi... parang nandidiri! hello?! this is the 21st century!!! grow up man!! so what if someone our age buys a condom! its no big deal! kesa naman mahawa ka ng sakit diba?! mga tao nga naman ngaun... kung hindi tanga, nagpapakatanga!!!

a test...

2004-09-19T18:35:00.000+08:00
psych class... enjoy!! laging nagbibigay ng "about yourself test" yung prof ko!!! last friday, he asked us to imagine ourselves as a psychologist. he lets us picture our own office, our first patient, his/her problem, our advice then the last person that would interrupt you when you're about to close! then, the interpretation of that was, the setting of the office is the things that you want to have. then, the patient, symbolizes you... as well as the problems! then, the last person is the cause of your stress!

well, for me, my office would be a dark place w/ green walls, dim lights at each corner of the room, then a table at the middle, a couch beside the door, a comfortable chair at one corner and a wall size bookshelf, with lots of books! then, my first patient is a lady in her mid20s that suffers from depression, not because of love but because of life, how she deals with boredom, and not being satisfied of whats happening! (that can't be me, ive always been contended with what i have!) and the last person would still be my first patient! which simply means i cause my own stress?! huh?! what the heck does that mean???

a part of that patient is true, i'm sometimes depressed... its not that i cant handle my problems... sometimes i just dont get interested in life anymore... i dont know!!! i get bored, life doesnt excite me, i feel like dealing with the same shit everyday... gusto ko yung may thrill naman, yung my bago! haay... well, i guess thats life... i think all i can do is deal with it! deal with the same old people, same shit.... it all goes on and on everyday...........

a newy

2004-09-19T17:32:00.000+08:00
nagloloko blog ko.... dito ko pa nman ipopost yung dati kong mga nakapost eh! hehe... keep reading!!!

FUCK

2004-08-28T16:48:00.000+08:00
I’m so fucked up today! A lot of shitty things happened… I’ve had enough about love… it started while we were having lunch… I was in a great mood, I was shallow this morning… then while I was fooling around, Juno suddenly brought up this silly topic about HIM… it’s not that I still have feelings for him, its just that I’m still in the process of getting over him… I’m fine now, I don’t cry anymore, I don’t get depressed and I’m proud of myself for being that strong. I don’t want to be that dumb girl who cries a lot anymore! Most of my friends would pity me! It sucks!!! Then, at my last class which was psychology, we’re discussing about emotions wherein my professor gave us a personal quiz, my thoughts were flying that time, I remembered reco… the words my friends told me that time, they said that I was holdin’ back my emotions… they said I’m scared of expressing my feelings! What the hell! It’s my way of making myself feel good, it’s the only way I can prove to myself that im strong… I maybe holding back all my tears, but im proud of it, it’s hard though, sometimes I just want to scream and let go of my anger, what’s the use anyway??? Letting go… a lot of shit! Then my professor told us a story, still about love… a couple who’s been together for a year broke up, the guy was in terrible pain, he cant accept the fact that its over… The time I came back to reality was when I was on my way home, my dad was listening to lovenotes. They had a stupid story this week, it’s about a guy having an affair with his friend’s wife, It was really stupid! The worst part is… the girl and his real husband has a child… see what love can do??? It can break a family! It can ruin lives! Sometimes it can also take lives! Next scene, I’m at home, checking my friendster account! I was reading the bulletin board, a lot of stories were posted there, mostly about love! What’s with love? If it brings a lot of suffering, why are a lot of people to be stupid just because of love? I’m not a man-hater… I’ve loved before, and I know how it felt, it was great! But sometimes it reaches the point when you are really hurting, but you don’t want to admit it to that person coz you’re too afraid to lose him/her! You gave you’re all then he/she takes you for granted, or if he/she doesn’t even appreciate what you’re doing! Love takes a lot from you-friends, trust, virginity, life! Do you really think LOVE is worth giving???

2004-08-28T15:51:00.000+08:00
I wish that you were home, Holdin’ me tight in your arms! And I wish I could go back to the day before we met!And skip my regret! I wish I wasn’t in love with you, so you couldn’t hurt me...It just ain’t fair the way you treat me! No, you don’t deserve me! Wasted my time thinkin’ ‘bout you and you ain’t never gonna change...I wish I wasn’t in love with you so I wouldn’t feel this way....

I feel so depressed... i dont know why! i thought this was all over! i was wrong! all this time, i was in denial! i just can't accept it all...this is so hard!

a strage feeling

2004-08-25T13:02:00.000+08:00
i was on my way home a while ago, and there's this big truck na makulit sa road... so my dad got pissed... kala ko mumurahin nya lang?! my Gawd... naglabas sya ng gun!!! i was so shocked... bigla akong nanlamig, and for a while nailang sa dad ko...para bang di ko sya kilala... parang he's someone that i've never known, a stranger! syempre natakot ako diba?! eto yung point ko: tama bang mailang ka sa isang taong you've known since you were born?! grabe talaga that experience! di ko natake!!!

past...

2004-07-27T04:09:00.000+08:00
hmmm.... ang sarap balikan ng past noh! some of us would say that you cant change the past! thats true! but you can always go back through memories! i just got home last friday! heck! nagcommute kmi ni ciarra at gosh super hassle pa kasi ang lakas ng ulan! when i got home, i was super tired, i went straight to bed pero i didnt sleep at once.... i watched t.v. and reminisc... i was laying down, staring at the ceiling then i felt a tear run down my cheecks! shit! i later realize i was crying! then i thought of that room and all the memories flew in my head, thoughts run through my brain and i heard some lines of words! this is so fuckin' creepy! im not drunk, i just feel so depressed! i miss my friends! then a few minutes later, i sit in my bed, looked around! i remember all the crazy thing me and my friends would do in that room! we would throw pillows at each other, talk, scream! and that one time when we watched hot chick! haay!!! nakakamiss! kung iisipin mo, sobrang saya namin nung mga time na yun! here, in the four corners of this room lyed laughter, pain and all the kalokohan we have made! i'll forever keep those memories i've spent with you guys! ciarra, kat, amie, krisna, mabel, amae, mau, cathy, ianne, jano, mithras, caryl, nad, jay, julius, benson, mina!!! we all have seperates lives now... but hey! i'll never forget you guys kahit magiba pa yung bahay nmin at mawala yung kwarto ko! hehe... tropa pa rin tayo ha! :D

guys are dogs!

2004-07-03T09:55:00.000+08:00
that's juno's line! lagi nyang sinasabi yan pag nagkkwentuhan kmi! haha! juno's my partner in crime! sus! meron kmi nyan nung tie ng cowboy, ksi naghahanap kmi ng masusungkit at ng madedemonyo! hehe... lagi ako dinedemonyo nun eh! joke! okay, about the line... agree ba kayo? malamang maraming magaagree... di ko nman sinasbi na lahat sila ganon noh! siguro meron pa nmang mga hindi halang ang kaluluwa dyan na guy, diba! sna magreproduce sila, o kya ligo sila sa ulan para dumami sila! hehe... "guys are dogs"... hmmm... well, i agree! sbi nga ni juno! they only like the humping humping part! haha... babuyan na to, no juno?! totoo nman diba! nature na nang lalake yung maging pervert... umm... hindi namn pervert, may pagkahilig lang sa s*x... daba?! well, hindi ko kokontrahin yun, ganun talaga sila eh! pero sana nman noh! ilugar lang... kasi sa guys, yun lang yun! its just plain s*x... for us girls, its a different thing! you'll have s*x with someone coz you love them so much and youre scared of losing him! thats bullshit! pwera nlng kung japoks ka noh! hope some guys would realize that! pero, girls still rule! hahaha!!! kahit anong sabihin mo, mas malaki pa rin ang role ng babae sa mundong ito! haha! fuck all! hehe...

friendster sucks!!!

2004-07-01T04:22:00.000+08:00
joke!!! syempre, communication rin yung friendster noh! kaya lang minsan nakaka kulo ng dugo yung nababasa mo eh! nkakasira tuloy ng araw! well,kung sino man yung taong yun, alam na ni kat yun! hehe... mis you, kat! ok,gusto nyong malaman? kasi theres this questions na nakapost sa bulletin board, tpos may nagpost ng same quiz.... at walanghiya,pati yung answers ko, kinopya! nung una,okay lang eh... kya lang yung last question na " pwede ba kaung maging friends ng ex mo?",yun lang yung pinalitan nya, kasi may answer was, impossible kasi mas mahirap mag move on pag lagi mo syang nakikita!... pinalit nya na depende daw, kung makitid magisipyung babae!!!....nakakinis! ang sarap murahin! tpos nagcomment pa si kat sa nakapost na yun! binase ko daw yung answer ko sa sarili kong life experience! (oi, this has nothing to do with you,kat ha! buti nga napansin mo yun eh, atleast nalabas ko sayo yung galit ko! hehe) ayun, mababaw diba?! pero hindi, kasi....ako na nakakaalamnun! basta! nakakainis! kasi parang kinokontra nya yung sinasabi ko, eh ano namang care nya ah bulletin ko yun, ako bida dun kaya wala syang karapatang maginarte o kumontra! shit sya! hehe..lumalabas na pagkabakla ko! joke!!! hehe... haay! yan, break muna, para kumalma! shit talaga! ang haba na nang nkatype knina eh! binura ko lang, kasi masyadong harsh yung mga words... hehe...di nman talaga ako galit eh,offended lang! lintik na kayboards to, ang gulo! neweiz,yun, syempre,nkakabastos rin kasi yung ginawa nya kasi parang di nya nirespeto yung pananaw ko dun sa bagay na yun! echusa, ang landi!!! haha.... alam ko, andito ako sa netshop para gumawa nang assignment eh,naalala ko lang yung kagabi kaya eto post muna sa blog! dapat kagabi pako magpopost kya lang masyado nang late! saka kagabi ko lang kasi nabuksan yung msgs nung friendster ko,ksi nagloloko ang walanghiya! at yun nga,nabasa ko yung msg ni kat!

haay...

2004-06-23T00:25:00.000+08:00
ei, im here again at hub, kasama ko si juno... la lang... walang magawa... medyo okay na ang college, medyo pa lang! haha... well, kararating lang kasi ni gagang ciarra, kya npilitan akong lumabas para magyosi... haayy... life nga nman pag nakadorm ka, walang limits... sarap!! kya lang, napakaboring, walang t.v.... miss ko na si nanah!! hehe... ayos rin pala classmates ko eh, marunong rin palang uminom ang iba! hehe... kya lang, nahihiya pa rin akong magpakitang nagyoyosi... syempre baka sabihin eh napakasama kong bata! some people just dont understand na some people cant live without vices, at dahil napakaboring ng life ko, yosi nlng! hehe.. joke lang! okay lang man na magyosi eh, basta wag alng gagawing habit... nagyoyosi lang nman ako pag walang magawa eh! putangina, gutom na ko! la ksi akong ksabay knina magdinner eh! nung dumating si ciarra, nasa labas nman ako! haayy....

college! arrggg!!!

2004-06-22T00:22:00.000+08:00
no t.v., no gimik, no mall, no friends!! puta, wala lahat! college sucks! well, ang alam ko kasi may buhay ako nung nsa san pedro ako eh, parang bigla nlng nawala lahat! tangina talaga! nakakabuwisit, ngayon ko lang naranasang umiyak sa sobrang sakit ng paa! di ko nga alam kung bakit ako pumasa sa lintik na nursing na yan eh, nangliliit tuloy ako... puta tlga, miss ko na tropa ko! dapat nagperps nlnga ko eh! charing!! ayoko nga dun, para rin akong sumanib sa mas malaking liceo eh! nsa hub cafe kmi ngayon ni ciarra eh... 9:30 na! lintik to si ciarra eh, magreresearch daw sya, ang walangya nakikipagchat! marunong na kming magaral ngayon, walang gabi sa dorm na hindi kami nagaral, ano pa ba pwede nmin gawin eh radyo lang nman ang meron so dorm na yun! ayan na, nagyaya na si ciarra umuwi, inaantok na ata!!! gusto ko nang bumalik sa high-school...